My clients know that I have two favorite DBT skills that I probably remind them of more often than any others. The first is DEAR MAN, which we discussed in an earlier blog post. The second, is PLEASE MASTER.
When do client’s hear me discuss the importance of PLEASE MASTER? Anytime it feels like life is becoming overwhelming and they are concerned about their emotional well-being. PLEASE MASTER, at it’s core, is all about self care. The notion being that if we are taking care of ourselves, we are more able to be in charge of our emotional reactions. But sometimes, our emotions can make self care difficult - all the more reason to take a moment and check in about how we are doing. Bringing mindfulness and awareness can often be the first step in making some important changes.
Marsha Linehan, the mother of Dialectical Behavior Therapy, loves a good Acronym… even though this one is stretching it a bit. Let’s just call it creative.
(PL) Physical Illness
(This is the part of the acronym that is taking some liberties.) Anyway, physical illness is all about taking care of our physical bodies. I often use one of my children as an example of how physical illness impacts our emotional well being. This particular child is super easy going and doesn’t ever really fuss about much… unless he is sick. When he becomes super grumpy, my partner and I have learned that we need to take his temperature. Nine times out of ten, we find out he is ill. It is easy to be irritable when you aren’t feeling well. When I used to work at a local mental hospital, I remember asking the patients about physical pain. Nearly every hand was raised. Depression can manifest in pain… but also pain can create depression. Taking care of our physical bodies is an important way to stay in control of our emotions. This includes seeing doctors regularly for check ups and taking our prescribed medications.
(E) Balanced Eating
Our body and brain needs sustenance in order to work effectively. “Hangry” is a real emotion for many people. When we don’t eat enough, we can feel lethargic, agitated, impatient, and have difficulty focusing. We can also not feel great when we overeat. The kinds of foods we eat can also impact us emotionally. Eating a ton of sugar feels great in the moment, but fifteen minutes later, I will often crash and find the easiest of tasks challenging. Unfortunately, this is one of the first things that becomes impacted when we are under stress. People forget to eat… or can’t stop eating. And this further exacerbates any negative emotional experience they are having.
(A) Avoid Mood Altering Drugs
Although reaching for alcohol or a mind altering substance seems like a good idea when we are feeling depressed or stressed, it often times will only escalate feelings of depression and anxiety. It lowers our inhibitions and it becomes easy to over-use. We might end up doing something that we will regret later, only making our situation that much worse. There are lots of great distress tolerance skills that you can use if you need a break from your emotional reality that won’t end up making you feel terrible later. Also important to note that overuse can impact our physical bodies which brings us back to that first part of the acronym.
(S) Balance Sleep
Making sure that you are getting between 7-9 hours of sleep each night is crucial in helping your body and brain perform optimally. Sleep deprivation is actually a very effective form of torture. But having an anxious brain can often mean that sleep is not easy. Without sleep, we can not focus, organize our thoughts, or understand our experiences. Because of this cognitive impairment, our brains become primed for more emotional reactions to life’s stimuli. For others, heightened emotional intensity might translate into hypersomnia. They have difficulty getting up out of bed and are sleepy all day. But this also doesn’t allow the brain and body to get what it needs to work effectively. Depression will often tell you that you should just stay in bed, call in sick, and pull the covers over your head… and although that might work as a short term solution, it can often only increase negative experiences and feed our depressive symptoms.
(E) Get Exercise
I have notice in my own life that on those mornings where I rally, walk the dog for a nice half hour walk before even taking a shower - I am more productive, in better spirits, have more patience, and just plain feel good. (Maybe it also has something to do with how happy my dog is too). Exercise increases endorphins and regulates cortisol production in our bodies. Check out that link to see all of the other amazing ways it can help us regulate our hormones. I know all of the excuses why not to exercise - I use them way more often than I should. But you and I both know that we feel better when we are taking care of our bodies.
(MASTER) Build Mastery
Marsha Linehan finishes off this acronym by asking that each and every day, you try to do one thing that makes you feel competent and in control. For me, that is making art. For many of my clients, it might be playing the guitar, reading, writing, or any other skill that you feel some mastery over. Sometimes, it might mean just doing one thing that makes you feel like you have accomplished something - like making your bed.
Disclaimer
I am not for one minute saying that any of these things are easy, especially when you are challenged with a major life crisis or a bout of depression. Do your best. Be kind to yourself. Maybe today, the only thing you can do is try to eat one good meal. That’s a start. It is best to try to work on these things when nothing terrible is happening at all, when life feels manageable. Because the more we practice these things when everything is okay, the better off we will be when life gives us a bunch of lemons. And no one is immune to getting lemons.